I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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