Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
