worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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