he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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