does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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