I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
