I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
