the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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