When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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