apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize