if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
