i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
