I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
