I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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