my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
