All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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