Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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