dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
