Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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