i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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