what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
