I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
