No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
