Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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