my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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