and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
