I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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