I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
