Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
