So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
