i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
