So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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