Your mouth is God's brothel.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
