The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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