The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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