I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
