put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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