I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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