There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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