guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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