the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
