No stitches, just platelets and will power
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
