im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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