I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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