Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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