Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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