No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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