WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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