either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
