i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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