i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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