I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
