I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
