i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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