i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
