bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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