i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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