i wish starbucks made bloody marys
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
