I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
