i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
