i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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